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9
PREPARING FOR TRIAL

Having money and owning my own room in Pinos made me feel more settled, but it didn’t end my problems with the other inmates who were still convinced that I was American. Even for those who finally worked out that I wasn’t from the United States, I was still a foreigner, which meant I was a fair target anyway. In my fourth and fifth weeks, I was attacked five times, usually on the way to the bathroom. None of the attacks were as severe as the first two, but this was in Pinos, supposedly the quietest neighbourhood. I can’t imagine how I would have survived in the dangerous sections.

Initially, I was afraid and did my best to avoid these conflicts by going out as little as possible. Whenever anyone said anything to me or spat on me, I kept my head down and kept walking. However, I had to go to the bathroom at some point each day and there was often someone waiting. They knew I had just purchased a room, so sometimes they asked me for money. If I refused, they would use that as an excuse to start a fight. At other times, there was no excuse required; they would insult me and spit on me for no reason. Usually, it was only one or two people who actually hit me. The trouble was that there was always a group of them watching and I was scared that they might join in. When I was attacked, I defended myself, but never really fought back, figuring that would only escalate things and I might be stabbed.

I was hoping that this was just part of my initiation to the prison and that they would tire of it after a while, especially if I didn’t react. Unfortunately, things didn’t work that way and the attacks became more severe; the less I fought back, the bolder they became until it became too much. I couldn’t spend the rest of my time locked in my room hiding from the world. I had to fight back.