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CHRISTMAS IN PRISON

I felt bad, I would smoke a joint and put on a cassette of his and he would chill me down a lot. Listening to Bob made me realise that I wasn't the only one who had faced tough things in life. It helped, but it didn't make me stop thinking about Yasheeda.

The time of day I missed her most was in the evening, when the prison went quiet for a few hours while everyone was cooking. That was when we used to have our best conversations. I also missed her during the nights. It took longer to get warm when I went to bed. It also took ages to get to sleep, even if I smoked a lot of dope. One night I had a terrible dream that she hadn't gone to Machu Picchu at all; she had flown back to Israel and was seeing her ex-boyfriend again. I knew it was a silly dream but I couldn't get back to sleep. I lay there wondering if she was thinking about me. I doubted it. She was probably having the time of her life.

Apart from a visit from two of my lawyers, I spent Christmas completely alone that year. Sylvia had other commitments with the church, but I was still half-expecting her to drop by or at least phone. Yasheeda was off who knows where, having a good time. She was the best thing that had happened to me, but now I wasn't even sure if she would keep her promise and come back to see me.

It was the worst Christmas I've ever had in my entire life. Constanza Sanchez had only come back once after she had organised the rest of my 'legal team'. I never saw her again. My two remaining lawyers had promised to have me out by Christmas and since I had sent money to the judge, I had started selling my things in anticipation of my release. But it hadn't happened.

'Merry Christmas,' my lawyers said when I opened the door. They both hugged me.

They had bought me a fruitcake. I should have been grateful that they had at least thought of me, but seeing the cake actually made me angry and I wanted to throw it back in their faces. I didn't want cake, I wanted answers. I wasn't paying them to make me a courtesy visit at Christmas or to buy me cakes; I wanted them to get me out of prison.

They didn't have any updates on my situation. They couldn't tell me when I would be out. In fact, they had no answers at all; everything was up to the judge, and he hadn't communicated with them for weeks.