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MY INTERNATIONAL HUMAN RIGHTS LAWYER

another laughing fit. ‘He will have big problems in the home.’

‘Maybe,’ I said, trying to imagine what the Devil Major’s wife would look like.

‘Or maybe the wife she like the cocaína. Like my girlfriend in Italy she does. The cocaína is good for the sex, you know.’ Roberto stood up in order to demonstrate. ‘So this major he just put a little bit here on the end here,’ he said, touching the front of his pants, ‘and maybe some for her in the special place, and they will be very excited together. Making a lot of love. Very happy marriage. Lot of pleasure.’

‘No, man, that major is a homosexual.’ I was convinced that no woman would put up with the Devil Major.

‘No. I no believe, Thomas. You are joking with me again. That homosexual major was the one who stole your hair machine.’

‘It’s true. They’re all gay.’

‘No.’ Roberto put his hand to his mouth and gasped once more like a proper Italian. ‘Is no true, Thomas. I no believe. How the country can get bigger then if all the Bolivian man is homosexual?’

For the next few weeks, I was happy and we had a lot of parties, especially when Rusty wasn’t around. I told all my friends in prison that I would be leaving soon. With the Velascos retracting their statement and a ‘human rights lawyer’ observing the proceedings, I was totally convinced that my trial was over. It would have been, had it not been for the next surprise – the Velascos’ chief witness.